‘Blade: Trinity’ Review: Staking Yourself in the Foot

Posted in The Screening Room by - April 06, 2016

Yeah, I know, it’s Wrestlemania month, and I’m reviewing a vampire movie; didn’t expect that one did you? But to the disappointment of everyone, this leather-filled third entry into the blade franchise features the cinematic brilliance of none other than Triple H. Hey, if every other wrestler can do crappy movies why can’t he?

In Blade: Trinity we once again find ourselves, the innocent viewers, come face to face with a deplorable script, early 2000’s CGI and non-existent character development. If you’re wondering about the plot (why would you be?), Blade: Trinity finds vampire hunter – and a half vampire himself – Blade (Wesley Snipes) hunted down by both government agencies and bloodsuckers alike. To avoid capture, he must reluctantly team up with a secret group of vampire hunters trained by his recently deceased mentor. On top of all that, out of desperation and fear of Blade, the vampires have awoken the granddaddy of all nocturnal nightmares – Dracula himself.

It’s safe to say the general storyline of the Blade movies has never been their problem. Blade is both a bona fide badass but also a compelling character who struggles with his inner – and literal – demons. In every entry, there’s been no shortage of a good premise and characters. There have, however, been countless missteps in every other aspect of the films. Blade: Trinity is no exception and is probably the worst offender of all. None of the Blade films have ever had great scripts; in fact, they’re all downright horrible. Trinity’s writing, however, is exceptionally bad, it reads like a mish-mash of genre clichés with cut and paste lines from every other action movie ever. Not even Wesley Snipes’ campy delivery can save this film from itself.

The action’s great yes, but for some reason in every Blade movie, the writers just can’t accept that they’ve written a terrible script and should simply resort to making it a montage of fight scenes with only the essential lines left in. In this film, director David S. Goyer (who’s also written every Blade film) decided he had to one-up the other two Blade movies by using the best possible villain. Unfortunately for Dracula (Dominic Purcell), his character and all the others were subject to severe underdevelopment and disappointing on-screen return value. What’s worse, the final fight in Blade 2 is miles better than the showdown between Blade and Dracula; 2002 VFX and all.

For the stubborn optimists, there are two good things in this film. Jessica Biel’s midriff and Ryan Reynolds. Reynolds mainly plays a slightly less insane Deadpool who hunts vampires and does anything need to be said about Jessica Biel?

With rumors of Blade 4 soon becoming a reality, you might be compelled to watch the series from the beginning and eventually have to watch Trinity. If you aren’t a masochist, you can just pray Marvel decides to reboot Blade altogether. Luckily, if that’s not the case, Trinity is by far the least essential film in the franchise. An all-around disappointment in a series characterized by frustration, Trinity represents the worst in writing, action and films made by David S. Goyer.

Final Say: Skip It

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When not drowning in school work or ignoring social obligations he enjoys watching movies on just about anything. Currently making his way through the cinema classics he hopes to one day write a novel, but he’ll probably end up playing The Witcher 3 instead.
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