‘Werewolves on Wheels’ Review: All Bark, No Bite

Posted in The Screening Room by - November 11, 2014

Werewolves on Wheels is not so bad its good, or even so bad its bad; Werewolves on Wheels is just garbage. One might think it would be a great example of a “grindhouse” film for the mid-70s, instead it is just a plodding example of a interesting concept wasted on a below par filmmaker and even worse actors. One of the saddest things is the poster looks so cool for the film, yet it doesn’t deliver at all. This film made me question why I wake up every day and review movies for a living. It was that bad.

The premise of Werewolves  actually holds promise: a gang of bikers named the Devil’s Advocates piss off a cult of Satanists after they steal back the lead biker’s girlfriend from being sacrificed to Satan. In doing so, the leader and his girlfriend are both cursed to become werewolves at night and begin to kill off members of the gang every night. The film however is essentially a collection of vignettes with long shots of the actors riding their motorcycles with knockoff CCR playing over the shots. These shots take up at least half of the film, and if a extended music video is what you’re looking for in a film, Cool as Ice might have been a better option. 

The real issue with the film however are the actors. Unbeknownst to me prior to viewing the film, most of the bikers in the film were actually bikers in a real gang in real life. This fact would account for both the bizarre performances and the wooden acting captured on film. Many of the actors actually seem like they are on drugs throughout the filming, and not in an Easy Rider kind of way: their performances are awful and hinder the movie. I don’t know why the notion of casting real bikers in a film was one that the filmmakers felt needed to be explored but it ruins the movie. 

The effects of the film are also laughably bad. Lon Chaney Jr. is rolling in his grave looking at the physical makeup on the werewolves in the film. The two werewolves look like the actors covered themselves in Elmer’s Glue and rolled around in the clippings from a dog grooming company. It elicits laughter rather than fear along with wonderment as to how the bikers have so many problems killing them during the climax of the film. Also, the bikers seem to subscribe to the ninjas from Miami Connection school of weaponry as they have no guns or real weapons to speak of. It makes no sense, like most of the film.

There is no reason to watch Werewolves on Wheels. Occasionally a reviewer takes a bullet for the reader, and this is one of those times. I wish that someone would remake this film in the vein of After Dark with badass werewolves and an interesting plot. There is an interesting concept to be found in Werewolves on Wheels but it’s squander by a bunch of numb skull filmmakers who must have loved filming bikers being bikers. Don’t watch this movie please.

Final Say: Skip It

This post was written by
Chris Stachiw is the Editor-in-Chief and co-host of the Kulturecast. He's a native Californian with a penchant for sarcasm and a taste for the cinematic bizarre. You'll often find him wandering the wasteland of Nebraska searching for the meaning of life and possibly another rare Pokemon.
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