Your Time is Up, My Time is Now
— John Cena


Tweets

Summerslam 2015 Full Card and Predictions

Summerslam 2015 Full Card and Predictions

SummerSlam, the second biggest show of the year, is but a few hours away. Although most of the matches on the card appear to be locks, a few results remain up in the air. Read on as our resident professional wrestling gurus, and one rookie, give us their winners and losers in this high stakes Pay-Per-View event.


The Prime Time Players vs. The Lucha Dragons vs. Los Matadores vs. The New Day for the WWE Tag Team Championship

Zach:

This is a tough match to call, because I like more than one of these teams. I would like to see the Prime Time Players retain, simply because I would like the Tag Titles to stay on a team other than the Usos for more than two moths. I loved the Lucha Dragons in NXT, and I would love to see them as the Tag Champs on the main roster, but I imagine they are going to end up like Los Matadores and be stuck in the midcard quagmire, unless one of them becomes a breakout singles success and goes on to bigger things. Sadly, Los Matadores won't win, despite their talent and the two of them being the longest tenured team in the match. This will be due to their gimmick. Finally, I find the New Day to be incredibly entertaining, but I don't think they need to get the titles back for a second time. Ultimately, I think I'm going to choose PTP to retain, because that's what I would like to see the most from this match.

Marc:

I disagree in the ease of calling this match for multiple reasons. WWE has seemed hasty as of late in putting any belt on a heel talent, which eliminates the New Day. The Matadores are a non issue unless El Torito gets involved due to “The Freebird Rule”, and the Lucha Dragons are not quite ready for the gold. I pray that this clusterfuck opens the show and we can get it out of the way as quickly as possible. Prime Time Players retain.

John:

That's right folks, The rookie is back for SummerSlam, not because I want to be, but because you deserve me. No, I'm not picking up Smackdown again, I deal with enough of that B-grade crap editing without having to sit through it every week. This match is pointless as far as I'm concerned. Wat I want is for the Lucha Dragons to do their flippy shit and walk away with the belt, but they won't. Instead the match will be relatively boring and convoluted until the last few moments, in which everyone will illegally enter the ring and perform their finishers on each other, with one of the Luchas jumping from the top rope, out of the arena, and on to a huge crowd of tag teamers, and then PTP will take the win. Why? Because Luchas and Matadores wear masks, and New Day lost the belt, what, two months ago?

Also, when the best picture I could find on the internet for the match has one member of both the Matadores and the Dragons cropped out, you know WWE don't give a shit.

Chris:

This match is going to be an absolute booking nightmare, and honestly, if anyone other than the PTP walk away with the belt I'll be surprised. They aren't over, but I like the two of them. A paradox right? 


Ryback vs. The Big Show vs. The Miz for the WWE Intercontinental Championship

Zach:

This is one of the easiest matches on the card to pick because the outcome just looks so predictable. I'm taking Ryback to retain, because he hasn't had a chance to really do anything with the title since he won it. I don't see Miz winning this one, because he seems to be out filming constantly, and hasn't made too many appearances on WWE programming lately. While I don't want the Big Show to win the title, it would be appropriate for him to get that one last push before he inevitably retires in the next few years, but if the Intercontinental title's recent run of bad luck holds out, then Big Show might not have much of a career left if he does win it.

Marc:

The inclusion of The Miz in this feud has added a much needed level of interest in the chase for the IC strap. There's been little to no mention of Big Show's Andre the Giant tournament win, and his IC dreams really haven't seen much attention either. On the other hand, post Mizdow, The Miz has also been struggling in the mid card, wandering from show to show without direction. During the period that Ryback was out injured, Miz stole the feud with some awesome promo work. While I'd like to see Miz walk away with the win, expect Ryback to retain.

John:

I don't know if this match has happened at all since I left Smackdown for less-boring endeavors, but from what I saw back then, the Miz is only in this to have a little more motion on camera than Ryback and the Big Show can manage on their own. The two big 'uns will lumber about slapping each others' giant arms against their necks, while Miz kicks people in the back of the knees and generally looks like a fly buzzing around two longhorns. If we're lucky Miz will get the belt just because the behemoths knock each other out, but that would be slightly entertaining writing, so Ryback will hold the belt.

Chris:

Ryback will retain, looking strong after giving a Shell Shock to the Big Show. Classic booking, having the smaller guy look strong while "realistically" beating up the much larger opponent. No surprises here, unless Miz pulls heel tactics to walk away with the win. 


Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper vs. Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose

Zach:

This is a match that I'm really torn on, plus I'm just not sure what WWE will do with it. I would love to see Ambrose walk away with a win, but I'm not a huge fan of Reigns. I'd rather see him come out on the losing side of a feud, since he's been on a hot streak lately. On the other side of the coin are the Wyatts. Up until last month, Bray hadn't walked out of a PPV with a major victory since Payback in May. Luke Harper has also been on a losing streak, and hasn't had a PPV victory in a longer time than Wyatt. Honestly, if WWE wants to keep the Wyatt Family viable, then I think they need to win this one and will be my pick for this match.

Marc:

I wish who cares was an acceptable answer for this section. Honestly, at this point... who gives a shit. Out of any match on this card, this one has had some of the most lack luster, piss poor booking I've seen in a long time. Bray Wyatt isn't over now? Put him back with Luke Harper. Dean Ambrose having trouble? Slam him back with Reigns and give us some of The Shield back. The fantasy booker in me wants Ambrose to turn on Reigns and either join the Wyatt Family or just become a bad ass heel. The more likely scenario is Reigns and Ambrose getting the win clean.

John:

Thanks WWE writers, it's been done. I've literally only heard about wrestling stuff from editing other articles, and even I'm tired of this combo. I sort of like Wyatt, Harper must have been on sabbatical while I was watching, Ambrose is getting old despite my favorable opinion of his style, and Reigns, well, Reigns is Reigns. My bet is Ambrose spends thirty minutes getting his ass beat before making a tag, at which point Reigns speeds in and uses his signatures to knock out the Wyatt family. Was there another Wyatt family member? All the pictures I've seen have a third dude in a sheep mask. Maybe he'll show up to interfere but get sidelined by Rollins who wants the match to be fair. I'm joking. I'm not an idiot.

Chris: 

Reigns and Ambrose walk away from this one looking strong. It's a shame that Sting trained for this match, yet was given the pass because, well, no reason was given. WWE seems to be gearing up the Reigns Train for another shot at the title, so expect this to be the first stop on that trip.


Steven Amell and Neville vs. Stardust and King Barrett

Zach:

I have to go with "The Prince of Dark Matter" and "The Cosmic King" for this one, as they're both just too damn entertaining not to enjoy. I feel that Amell and Neville are going to end up with the win in the end, but I'm going to root for the bad guys this time, because how could you not?

Marc:

I'm a bit of a sucker for celebrities getting involved in professional wrestling. Although I could give less of a shit that Steven Amell is the celebrity in question, I think it's good for the sport to get someone like that in the squared circle. Despite my undying love for Stardust, the rules of WWE clearly state that when a celebrity is involved, they can't lose... Just ask David Arquette

John:

I don't care what you think about Arrow, you have to give props to a celeb that's willing to do any stunts his producers will let him try. Stephen Amell is, in my opinion, one of the better actors to come out of the newest crop of talent in the entertainment industry. Also, his ability to both act like scripted things are real, and do backflips off all manner of terrain will come in handy in the squared circle of the WWE. I'm hoping this match will actually be entertaining, because I'd love to watch Amell kick the ever loving crap out of some WWE superstars. Also, I can't see a full fledged television show allow their lead actor to guest on the WWE without the condition that he leave with the win. My guess is that Neville flops a Red Arrow attempt and Amell saves him from Stardust, because Stardust built this whole thing.

Chris:

Stephen Amell and Neville win because no guest wrestler ever loses. It just doesn't happen, unless it's two guest wrestlers. 


Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro

Zach:

This is the toughest match on the card for me to just pick one person to win. I am of the opinion that these two are among the best things WWE has going right now, and the two of them are certainly going to put on the match of the night. Both men have their strong points, and both are amazing in the ring, but if I have to pick just one, I'm going to have to go with Cesaro. This guy deserves a chance to really break out, and I feel that this is finally his time to shine.

Marc:

Cesaro is on fire and Kevin Owens is now just one of the guys. Kevin Dunn has seen to it that Kevin Owens hasn't amounted to anything special on the main roster. Some people would say to you, “Give him time... Owens' time will come...” That time clearly is not now. In a match with almost zero suspense, Cesaro wins.

John:

Honestly, I'm not psyched about the build up for this match. After Owens hit the Cena brand brick wall and got turned in to a coward that uses his family as an excuse to run away from scripted matches, I've lost my love of his character. I miss the bad ass heel that once was. As for Cesaro, I never much got a build up for him until he was already feuding with Owens. Whenever he showed up all I saw was a bald dude with Beats headphones and an accent. Supposedly he's good at things. Hopefully the match is entertaining, but I'd put money on Cesaro taking the win, or at the very worst possible option, he almost wins and Owens runs away again. I can't imagine that would happen in a pay-per-view, but hey, it's the era of cowardly Owens. Who knows what could happen.

Chris: 

Cesaro beats Owens, further reinforcing that when you face Cena and lose twice in a row, all of your momentum is squashed. Make Owens the brute that he used to be, and maybe I'll come around again with this feud, but since they have made him a total coward, it will be a lackluster match at best. 


Team Bella vs. Team B.A.D vs. Team P.C.B.

Zach:

Is there an option to have no winner? I mean, there are some really talented ladies in this match, but I feel that they're just going to end up being wasted when compared to what they were doing in NXT. I suppose if I have to choose just one team then I'll go with Team P.C.B., simply because these three ladies are crazy talented and they're the only team without a "Diva".

Marc:

Gag... Lets face it.. the first few weeks of the Diva's Revolution hasn't exactly been revolutionary. Thanks in part, again, to weird and uninteresting booking, its hard to see any sort of passion or hunger in the faces of Team P.C.B. This feud has done nothing for me as a fan, and I imagine much of the fan base agrees with that statement. You know what... I'll follow WWE's Diva booking practice and just roll a die. Team BAD wins via submission.

John:

Zach and Marc wanted to pick no winner, and that's exactly what I'm doing. I keep reading about how good the NXT Divas were back in the minor leagues, but I'll Bolieve that when I see it. I'm calling a triple count out, because Diva's Division blows chunks.

Chris:

Team P.C.B. wins because the NXT women wrestlers don't need to lose to the likes of the Bellas or Tamina Snuka. If they lose, I'll continue to shake my head in disappointment, and wonder why they were even called up in the first place. 


Dolph Ziggler (w/Lana) vs. Rusev (w/Summer Rae)

Zach:

I know exactly how this is going to go down, Ziggler just returned for an "injury", so he's walking out of this with the win. Despite that, I want Rusev to win. Rusev hasn't had much going from him since he lost to John Cena at Wrestlemania, and that's a shame, because he was riding a huge wave of momentum prior to that. It's sad to see yet another athlete being fed to Cena, even after Cena has been on top for more than a decade.

Marc:

Zach is right on the money, Ziggler wins and Summer Rae gets hers against Lana.

John:

I hate everything about this match. I hate the build up. I hate the pairing. I currently hate, used to love, Rusev. Last I saw of Rusev he was walking around with a cast and a crutch whining about his girlfriend leaving him. Lame. However, what I hate most of all is what the WWE has done to Lana. I'm not a feminist fanatic or anything, but holy god how misogynistic do you have to be to decide that the most compelling arc for your female character is to go from one man, an abusive, controlling, tyrannical dictator, straight to another, smarmy, disingenuous, 80s business man Han Solo looking rogue. Not to mention changing her appearance and behavior from that of a relatively stern but compassionate woman to the cliche that is women in the WWE? Why couldn't Lana have left Rusev and then decided to join the DIva's Division, where she learns how to kick ass and take names before beating the ever loving crap out of Rusev back stage when he comes to claim her? This story arc is like the ending of the terrible shit heap that is Grease. And that's not even touching on Summer Rae, a woman that I didn't see at all on Smackdown until she shacked up with Rusev and dressed exactly like Lana used to.

All ranting aside, I'm assuming that the Russian that was once so beast is going to get beat by Ziggler because he's the face and Rusev is abusive and women can only find the strength to stand against abuse in the arms of a stronger, more American man. Also, Summer Rae will throw a shoe at Ziggler.

Chris:

Ziggler beats Rusev because the burial of heels is strong at Summerslam. I can't imagine it going any other way, unless Lana turns on Ziggler and costs him the win, going back to Rusev. Lets be honest though, that isn't going to happen, because the booking just isn't that creative.


Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

Zach:

I really couldn't care less about this match. It's a match that we've seen dozens of times before, and it's a match with absolutely nothing at stake. It may end up being entertaining, so there's always that, but I guess if I have to choose I'll go with Orton, simply because Sheamus looks stupid.

Marc:

Finally we get to the good stuff. Although we've seen this match dozens of times before, I could see it another dozen times. This heel run has done wonders for Sheamus, and I hope it continues for some time. While the briefcase should be on the line in this match to give us a bit of extra suspense, I'm content with seeing these two go at it yet again. I expect Sheamus to get a win over Orton to begin a build for a cash in.

John:

I sort of like Sheamus. However, I really like Randy Orton, minus his terribly entrance music. If the world went according to my whims, Randy Orton would spend ten minutes RKOing Sheamus before spending the next twenty RKOing every wrestler in the locker room as they come out to try and stop the slaughter that is Randy Orton RKOing out of nowhere. My god all those superstars had families!

I think Sheamus will win though, that way he can try a cash in on Rollins.

Chris:

If Sheamus wins, he won't cash in on Rollins. If Sheamus loses, he will cash in on Rollins. That's the way the WWE has done it since the beginning of time, and by that I mean the last couple years. Predictable booking is predictable. 


John Cena vs. Seth Rollins for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and WWE United States Championship

Zach:

Why isn't this the main event? Why isn't Rollins headlining instead of two part timers? I guess he's getting CM Punked already. Oh well, I'm going with the "Undisputed Future" in this one. Rollins is the real deal, and I don't think letting Cena beat him is the right option here. Cena has already had the title fifteen times, and I don't think there is any reason for another Cena title run at this point. Leave the title on Rollins and let him continue to be on top where he belongs. Besides, if he's going to drop the title, I'd much rather he drop it to someone who could actually be a better champion than boring, old John Cena.

Marc:

While it's obvious that Cena doesn't win this match, the real question is by what means. I can't imagine that Rollins is going to take both belts, and a simple disqualification or interference also seems unlikely. Does Sheamus cash-in, forcing a “no contest” for the winner take all portion of the match? That is where my money lies. Expect Cena to come within a second of victory, Sheamus to cash-in, but Rollins to ultimately come away with the win in the new match. Everyone keeps their belts... everyone is happy.

John:

Lol Cena Wins. Honestly though, Cena will win this match. I don't think I've seen Cena lose a single title match since I started watching at WrestleMania, and he's been in a lot of them. I'm also calling that Sheamus won't cash in on this pay-per-view. It'd be to obvious even for the WWE writers to have Sheamus do to Rollins what Rollins did to Lesnar. If this match could be anything I wanted it to be, it would be Cena kicking the crud out of Rollins, Rollins getting his shit kicked in, and then Owens strolling out and fucking Cena's shit up, before draping Rollins over Cena's crumpled body, with Rollins' unconscious head in Cena's groin, because Owens hates them both. That'd be one way to bring back the old K.O.

Chris:

I don't even want to give my predictions for the match, because it involves Cenanigans and him losing while still looking strong. If he loses clean, well, never mind, that isn't going to happen. Cena loses through typical heel tactics, with a possible Sheamus cash-in post match. 


Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

Zach:

I love the Undertaker and I always have, and I am admittedly not the biggest fan of Brock Lesnar. That said, I want Lesnar to walk out of this one the winner. That may seem strange, but I don't think feeding Lesnar to the Undertaker is a good idea, unless they intend on having these two face each other again in the very near future. I think this needs to be put to bed, and they need to use this opportunity to set up Taker's Wrestlemania 32 match and, possibly, whatever they're planning on doing with Lesnar after this. Sadly, since Lesnar has been making a lot of TV appearances lately, I doubt he'll be around much after this, so I guess he forgot all about getting even with Rollins.

Marc:

A retirement match versus Lesnar seems so unlikely that it's simply laughable. If Undertaker gets the win back here, a rubber match isn't necessary to preserve The Streak. There are numerous opponents more deserving of sharing Undertaker's swan song, chief among them on my list, The Deadman's brother, Kane. Lesnar has plenty of room to grow, and several years left on his contract. His impending loss does nothing to harm his status as WWE's resident bogyman. Where does 'Taker go from here? Hopefully this is the beginning of one final full time run before The Deadman rides to the sunset.

John:

Can you retire with the Heavyweight belt? I kind of want to see Taker win here, then retire after taking the belt off Rollins or Sheamus at Wrestlemania 32. That would be a fitting way to end the career of one of the most iconic wrestlers in history. Instead, I'm going to bet that it's scripted to have Taker win, but that, again, Lesnar fucks up a maneuver and gives Taker a concussion, before rolling over so that Taker can still get the pin. Seriously, Lesnar doesn't seem to have any middle ground between standing still and crushing shit, and Taker is... pretty old.

Chris:

Instead of giving my prediction for this match, because it angers me so much to even give it, I'm going to give you gift of a quick biscuit recipe:

  • 4 ounces (1 stick) cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/4-inch pieces and refrigerated
  • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (8 ounces)
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 3/4 cup whole milk

Preheat oven to 400°F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper; alternatively grease a baking sheet with butter.

1. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.

2. Toss butter into the dry ingredients until coated with flour. Working quickly and using your fingers or a pastry blender, rub or cut butter into flour until it resembles coarse meal. Alternatively, add flour mixture and butter to food processor and pulse 2 to 3 times to form pea-sized pieces; transfer to a large bowl.

3. Add milk and stir with a fork until it just comes together into a slightly sticky, shaggy dough.

4. For small biscuits: Using a teaspoon or small ice cream scoop, mound walnut sized balls of dough onto the prepared baking sheet. For large biscuits: Using a 1/4-cup measuring scoop, mound balls of dough onto the prepared baking sheet.

5. Bake biscuits until golden brown, about 15 minutes for small biscuits and 20 minutes for large ones. Let cool slightly, then transfer to wire rack. Serve warm or at room temperature.

 

Raw Top Five 8/24/15: Best Week Ever

Raw Top Five 8/24/15: Best Week Ever

The Not-So-Rookie's Guide to Smackdown Vol. 7 – No Need for Tag Matches!

The Not-So-Rookie's Guide to Smackdown Vol. 7 – No Need for Tag Matches!